Interview With Eric Northman
by smittenskitten
Summary: Some embarrassing and amusing question answer session with the Viking.


**Title : Interview With EN**

**Summary: **This is done for a little laugh. Even though some might not think so.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own anything but the following interview is mine.

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Well, hello everyone. This is your friendly neighborhood pal **smittenskitten**. Today, due to very high demand, *cough* _MY _demand we have Eric Northman, the vampire sheriff of area 5 in the dark room with us.

Smittenskitten: Hello Mr. Northman.

Eric Northman: _Human!_

_Smittenskitten: Dazed did you hear that… he called me human…_

_DazedRose: No_ _way!_

Smittenskitten: Mr. Northman, I am a big... huge, _HUUUUGE _fan!

Eric Northman: And why _wouldn't_ you be?

Smittenskitten: Ohh, you are so cocky.

_Flashing_ _the famous grin. _

Eric Northman: You have no idea...

_Adjusting my seat_

Smittenskitten: So Mr. Northman, the season 3 of True Blood is just around the corner. Are you expecting something out of it?

Eric Northman: I am expecting my hair to grow back by the end of season 3 or Alan's Balls will be in my hands.

_Blinks a couple of time and gulps_

Smittenskitten: You are so scary. _I love you._

Eric Northman: *Sigh* Yes, yes. Another fangbanger... I would love to show you my... cockiness, but I am VERY committed to my bonded...

Smittenskitten: Sookie Stackhouse?

Eric Northman: *Growls* No, Cookie Cathouse. Of course Sookie Stackhouse! Haven't you read the Southern Vampire Mysteries yet?

_Nods head mesmerized before shuffling paper._

Smittenskitten: Erm... ok, the new book from Charlaine Harris is also coming out May 4th. Any spoilers you want to give out?

_Oh fuck me, Eric Northman just fucking sighed_

Eric Northman: Sure, sure. What do you want to know kid?

_Kid? What the fuck?_ _I am 22 Mr!_

Smittenskitten: Are you and Sookie still together?

Eric Northman: Of course, we are. Didn't I just say I am committed to my bonded?

_Nodding head furiously_

Smittenskitten: But the way CH described yours and Sookie's relationship in her latest book, it has us _readers_ worried.

Eric Northman: Kid, she is doing what she _thinks_ might have happened. Just because we are real doesn't mean her stories are too.

Smittenskitten: You mean you never lost your memory? What about the shower scene? What about … what about Mr. GP?

Eric Northman: Umhh, Mr. GP?

Smittenskitten: Gracious plenty.

Eric Northman: Oh don't worry… it's graciously plenty. And yes there are still showers and unfortunately I did have amnesia. It wasn't a good thing, but it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Smittenskitten: How so?

Eric Northman: I got Sookie to yield to me. *Smug grin*

Smittenskitten: Oooooh. Right. How did Sookie confess her love for you?

Eric Northman: She got down on one knee and proposed, I had bloody tears running down my cheeks.

Smittenskitten: Isn't it customary for the man to propose on his knees?

Eric Northman: Oh I did. Multiple times in fact... And she almost said yes once, _when we were showering_. But the bloody woman is a hot headed creature, she never does anything with her heart, it's always the head telling her what to do.

Smittenskitten: What made her finally proposed to you?

Eric Northman: She left, I sulked, she realized she loves me. _The real me! _Not the mambo jumbo amnesic Eric *mumbles* whatever that means...

Smittenskitten: Would you like to describe the event to our readers?

Eric Northman: It's better if I don't. You can ask her yourself.

Smittenskitten: Sheis here?

Eric Northman: I don't flaunt around my spouse in public. She is not keen about the human race anymore.

Smittenskitten: Have you turned her?

Eric Northman: Whatever gave you that idea?

Smittenskitten: Well you just said she is not keen of the human race...

Eric Northman: And?

Smittenskitten: Oh, nevermind. You are confusing the crap out of me. Are you still the sheriff of area 5?

Eric Northman: Yes, that I am. I love being the sheriff, it brings Sookie great pleasure when I wear my tight leather pants.

Smittenskitten: I can only imagine...

_Shifty eyes_

Eric Northman: Kid? Kid? HUMAN?

Smittenskitten: Yes... yes? What is it? Where's the fire?

Eric Northman: You dozed off.

Smittenskitten: Yeah I wasn't expecting to imagine you wearing _tight leather black pants with two holes in the behind..._

_Arching eyebrow_

Smittenskitten: *shakes head* Sorry, sorry... where was I...?

Eric Northman: Aha...

Smittenskitten: I have some requests from SVM fandom authors and readers. Would you mind answering them?

Eric Northman: Why not. I answered all the last shit, let's hear some more. How bad can it be?

Smittenskitten: Aha. First question is from **schafer**, she asks "if you can play the guitar or perhaps sing?"

Eric Northman: *Scoffs* Who do you think invented guitar? You don't live for one thousand years and not invent anything. As for singing... I do not sing in public, I am strictly a shower singer.

Smittenskitten: Alrighty...You invented guitar.. right and don't sing in public. Got it. Another one here, this is from **sheba6086** "what have you seen that you never want to see again or what have you seen that you wish you could see again?"

Eric Northman: Are you sure you want to know?

Smittenskitten: If you don't mind.

Eric Northman: I never want to see BEELH dancing around in his thong …. Again.

Smitenskitten: BEELHIAM dances around wearing a thong? *shudder* how about what you wish you could see again?

Eric Northman: Oddly, Beelh wearing a thong and watching him do poll dancing. It was highly disgusting and _hypnotizing at the same time._

Smittenskitten: Ooookay. Doooode I feel for you. _Anyone_ would be traumatized. Another fangbanger here, **Missus T **asked, "is there anything you have not done that you would like to do? What is your favorite piece of technology?"

Eric Northman: I already did everything there is to do.. but I think I would like to travel outer space.

Smittenskitten: Like Astronauts do?

Eric Northman: Do I have to repeat myself every time? Yes, like Astronauts.

Smittenskitten: But you are superman... You know you can fly...why not go outer space flying?

Eric Northman: What do they teach kids these days? Ever heard about gravity? And even I can't go at that speed without becoming dust in the air space.

Smittenskitten: Right. Got it. How about technology?

Eric Northman: iPhone.Most definitely. Apple liberated the technology world with that. I do everything with it.

_Pulls out his iPhone andmakes soothing circles around it like Gollum and I am pretty sure he is about to call the damn thing preeeecious!_

Smittenskitten: Maaaahn,enough with the preeeecious now. Can we get on?

Eric Northman: Yes tiny human. Get on.

_I really wanted to get on him._

Smittenskitten: "are your fangs sensitive?" Asked by Romanian fangbanger **Kira_Karilina**.

Eric Northman: Ahh, home of Vlad Teps. Why would a fangbanger need to know about my sensitivity towards my fangs? She is from the FotS and so are you, isn't that right?

Smittenskitten: Jeez. Do you ever lighten up a little? It's just a question! And she's a new fangbanger, she is just curious that's all. By the way you seemed very sensitive whenever Sookie runs her tongue around them.

_His face has a humongous grin right now. And his fangs just popped down._

_Mommy!_

Eric Northman: Yes, when it's her I am sensitive with my fangs, but they are not breakable. I floss them everyday.

Smittenskitten: Well this nextone is asked by **Northman Maille**, "when did you realize just how beautiful you are?"

Eric Northman: From the moment I was born.

Smittenskitten: Aha….

_Cocky bastard!_

Eric Northman: Are you done asking stupid questions little girl?

Smittenskitten: Just one more thing **-** This is asked by fangbanger **Missus T, **but as she is not present, so you can demonstrate it on me.

_Arching eyebrow_

Smittenskitten: Could you demonstrate the proper use of GP on me please? *bats lashes*

Eric Northman: I do not bang fangbangers anymore, little girl. Go find yourself a real boy.

Smittenskitten: Yes, Pinocchio is hard to find these days.

Eric Northman: I'll be taking off. Sookie Stackhouse is waiting for me. Goodnight tiny human.

**

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A/N**: Special Thanks to **VanPireNZ** and **peppermityrose** for taking their time to listen to my rambling.

Also thanks to **Kira_Karilina, Northman Maille, schafer, sheba6086 and Missus T** for being such a great fangbangers.

My lovely **DazedRose** got the first read here. ILYSFM.

**schafer **did her mixing in this interview. She is my fuxhawt lemon gal. ILYSFM BB.

Reviews/Thoughts are always welcomed.

Goodnight everyone

I can attack the Viking in my dreams now.

**_meewow_**


End file.
